Well Hell…..

In case you are offended by the “h” word in the title post, let me tell you I mean it literally. Here’s why….

Right after my dad died I experienced my first bout of depression. Soooo not fun. Because “chemical imbalance” runs in my family (hey….those of you who know me, know that I have NEVER claimed to be “balanced”) I automatically assumed I had suddenly become a card-carrying member of the anti-depression-pill-taking club and so did my doc at the time. Totally understandable. However, the other issue that sort of got shoved to the back was the fact that at age 34 I also officially became yet another member of a really fun club…perimenopausal. This actually happened one year before my dad died. One of the symptoms of being perimenopausal is depression. Another symptom is…drumroll….hot flashes. (Hence the word hell. I think a man came up with the term “hot flashes” because a woman would have most definitely called them hell flashes).

Now…fast forward about 3 years of being on anti-depressants. I asked my current doc at the time if I could switch my medication to Effexor because I had read on the web that the drug had an unexpected side-effect….an 80% reduction of hot flashes. The doc said yes.

Fast forward one more time to present day. I told the doc I’m seeing now that I really wanted off all medications if possible. One of the meds I REALLY want to be done with is the Effexor. It costs $129.00 a month..that’s with my insurance AND the generic version. Sad part….it’s HELL to come off of. Mad part…I should have never been on it.

So where does that leave me? Right back at the “Well Hell…” part. Coming off of Effexor is so very, very hard. You just wouldn’t believe all the side effects this stuff causes. Way too many to post. Some of the particularly bad ones are brain shocks (hard to explain..think shocky/dizzy sensations that zap your brain, driving out all thoughts for the moment leaving you unable to complete your current thought much less vocalize it), depression (really funny that one), and uncontrolled bouts of rage (think pms X1000). Now add to that the fact that I am now fully menopausal, have moved…leaving behind friends and family, gone back to work after 27 years, having to change my entire eating/exercise habits due to bad labs AND am about to go back to school after nearly 30 years. Yeah….I’m a MESS!

So…I’m trying to take it one hour at a time. I’m up to being one day on/6 days off for the Effexor. I’m so blessed to be at that stage this early (I’ve been coming off of it for a little over a month). There are a lot of people out there that literally remove one little bead (out of about 200) out of the capsule, take that amount for several days to weeks, then remove 2 beads etc. etc. It can take year(s) to come off of it that way. I’m so grateful that God is helping me to do it quicker. I just take one pill then don’t take another until the side-effects are too hard to ignore.

That’s were I’m at right now. One day at a time, one hour at a time during that day. I’m not really sure why I feel so compelled to blog about this except that maybe someone out there may be going through the same thing and needs a little encouragement. If so…you’re not alone. And it is worth it.

Oh…one last thing. Way back when I got on the pills? I more than likely only needed a little estrogen-therapy. Bummer.

No Comments

What I Saw Yesterday….

Craig and I took a short motorcycle ride to Boulder yesterday. The weather was GORGEOUS. Whenever I ride my motorcycle, I’m always way more aware of my surroundings (a survival must). I was amazed at all I saw. Here are the highlights…

1. Six sky divers. Both tandem and solo.
2. A paraplegic riding his version of a bicycle in a Boulder bike race.
3. DOZENS of Boulder bike race participants.
4. Daddy’s and little boy’s riding tandem bicycles. WAY too cute!
5. Yet another man riding a sitdown bicycle.
6. A red tail Hawk with it’s wings stretched out as far as they would go while he was riding the drafts. Beautiful.
7. Cloud configurations that would amaze anyone.
8. Green mountains that are especially lush due to all the rain we’ve had.
9. Joggers galore.
10. A guy riding his bicycle while he was “walking” his dog. Lily would kill me in an instant if I did that with her!

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. High was in the low 60’s and sky was DEEP blue with huge white fluffy clouds. It’s kinda sad though to know that if I had been in a car, I probably wouldn’t have noticed much of the things listed above. I probably would have been listening to music or talking on the cell and just driven right past all the life going on outside my little box on wheels. I wonder how many times Father has tried to show me something beautiful but I’ve missed it because I was caught up in my own little bubble. Sad. I’m going to try to be more observant this week. We’ll see what happens.

Hope you have a beautiful week ahead.
I really hope you don’t miss it.

1 Comment

Some respect….PLEASE!!!!

Yeah…REALLY bad day in the retail world today. Kid’s climbing all over my check out counter (seriously…had to pull one kid out of the bag rack), kids poking ink pens into my card swiper (saying the whole time….what does this do….WAM with pen….what does this do….WAM…with the pen. It took everything in me to keep from saying “what does this do” WAM with my hand right upside his annoying, loud and offensive little head!), kids literally THROWING their items at me because they thought it was funny then saying “I want that back NOW” as I was trying to ring it up, and did I mention the ones that had gunk coming out of EVERY hole in their conniving little heads because they were screaming and bawling due to the fact that mom was only buying them ONE toy instead of two? And yes…they ended up with both.

Please, if you are a parent….save yourself and the rest of us a whole lot of trouble and realize that little Suzy or Johnny are never (and never will be) so great that they are excused from polite behavior. And if you are one of those parents that think “he/she will grow out of it” then may they live at home with you until they’re 40!

No Comments

Reboot

Ok…it’s been MONTHS! I’m just gonna give you the man-version of all the changes that have taken place.

1. Moved to Longmont Co. about an hour north and west from our old home. Bittersweet yay.

2. I went to work at Michaels Craft Store part-time. Fluctuating Yay.

3. Jes Kendall married Paul Jensen. FRIEKIN’ AWESOME YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Craig totaled his truck. He’s ok. Not yay and YAY!

5. I had to give up sweets, caffeine, and table salt due to bad lab levels. SOOO not yay.

6. I’m going to school in the fall to become a phlebotomist (if the money is there). Yay status is undetermined at this time.

7. Skip 8 if you are offended by curse words. Yay for curse alerts.

8. Satan is a petty ass peon. Found what I originally thought was a candy bar sitting on a bench at the park. Satan wanted me to have candy. Opened it up (was granola not candy bar) and fed it to the birds. Birds said yay.

9. God used me to feed the sparrows today. WAAAAYYYYY cool Yay.

10. I’m back. More posts to come. Yay is up to you.

No Comments

Here We Go….Again!

Several of you have asked about our housing situation so I’m going to attempt to explain. This is the shortened version because the long version is just to complicated. In a nut shell, Craig and I are having to walk away from our house, “losing” all the money we have put into it. The house is in foreclosure but it is NOT attached to our name or credit. The man/company that took our money each month was supposed to add a little to it and make the payment to the mortgage company that held the actual note. Unfortunately, he chose to pocket several of our payments for his personal use so now the house is in foreclosure. We were not the only “victims” of Charles/Charlie Riley (man that owns the company that cheated us). There is an older couple that actually owns the original mortgage on the house. They were partners with Charlie and trusted him to be reliable. He was not and they are in a very bad position. There were houses other than ours that were involved in all of this and all of them went into foreclosure last year as well as the occupants being evicted.

Were do we stand in all of this? Right in the center of God’s plan. Although we are “losing” all the money we put down on this house, we are both REALLY ok with everything. We have our family, friends, health and so much more. We have found a really cool loft apartment in Longmont CO that we are really excited about. We have wanted to move to the Longmont area since last summer. It’s closer to the mountains and has a really “small town America” feel while being large enough to support a good deal of commerce. The loft is in the top northwest corner of a building that has six units upstairs with offices below. So our view of the mountains is pretty good. There is a small athletic park across the street to the north of us and cool old homes that surround the park. We are one block off the main road that runs through historical downtown and within walking distance to a ton of places. The loft is new with a cool cross between modern and western (large beams that run across the ceiling and wood floors. Newer appliances and windows all across the north and west walls.) We have two small balcony’s..one off the large living/kitchen open space area and one off the master bedroom.

The worst part about this to both of us is that fact that we have to move again so soon. The last move really did us in physically and I’m sure this one will do the same…especially since it’s a top floor apartment. I finally started the packing process and I REALLY DON’T LIKE IT!!!! At least we won’t have to put a bunch of stuff in boxes. We’ll just have to make a lot of trips. And since it’s about an hour north of here….yuck!

So. The Kendall’s are a little bummed about the packing/moving part but fine with everything else. Many would say this is a bad thing and other’s may say something even worse. However, I know for a fact that God’s plan for us is one of love. Love doesn’t mean the absence of hardship. Just the constant presence, peace and joy that comes from being a child of Father. Whether I’m living in a trailer (home I grew up in) or a 4000 sq ft brand new house, I will be content. And you know what? That big home we’re moving out of? It’s my least favorite place I’ve lived…including the trailer!

And by-the-way….I just gotta brag a little bit about my hubby. He continues to meet the most interesting people and comes up with the coolest ideas for our business. We’ve already done some pretty neat stuff and he has more brewing in the background. I really am very proud of him. His faith is strong and his love for our fellowman has not wavered.And I’m not the only person that thinks he is very good at what he does. Click here to see what someone else said about KMG and Craig’s personal talent. Can I just say that I’m married to THAT MAN!!! Way to go baby!!!

So…I’m gonna go make us some tacos and then we’re going to sit down and watch Heroes then House! See ya!

1 Comment

You’ll Never Believe What I Did Today!

No…seriously…you won’t believe it. I certainly don’t. I spent most of my day working out all the kinks to enroll in Front Range Community College to become a certified phlebotomist. Before you start thinking that I’m going to be sucking some poor souls brains out, I said PHLEbotomist…as in phlebotomy…NOT LObotomy. (That was my sisters reaction). Why? Well….I don’t want to work retail for the rest of my life (”stick it” is something a phlebotomist can say to someone with out getting fired). I hate being alone in the house (it’s just too much to ask Craig to be a husband AND a girl friend). I love needles. (My needles tend to have thread attached to them but I’m not picky). Blood has never grossed me out. (Favorite movies…Kill Bill, Aliens, Tombstone. Favorite tv shows…CSI, Criminal Minds, Bones..get my point?) The science part THRILLS me! (Biology was my best subject in school). And I can pick any number of places to work. Oh yeah…I can also make all my own scrubbs!!

Here is how my day went…

Had to fill out a TON of stuff to request admission. Spent an hour on a practice assessment test. Spent another half hour making phone calls to find out how to get out of the assessment test. Had to contact OBU to get a copy of my transcript (I believe they had to find an available archeologists to locate it). Had to print and fill out a form to REQUEST that the archeologist find and mail my transcript to me (luckily, it isn’t recorded on stone so the shipping will be cheap). Hopefully, this antique piece of paper will get me out of damn assessment test. (If not, I’m going to have to go back to elementary school so that I can be smarter than a 5th grader). Then spent another hour online looking up phlembotomy job ads in the area. If I ever pass 5th grade and remember that some needles aren’t meant to be threaded, I may just have a micro-career someday. Yep..that salary is calling my name! A whopping 21K job! Man, Craig doesn’t have a thing to worry about. Those social security checks will keep me in Diet Pepsi for at least 6 months.

Well…I’ve been on the computer or phone all day. It’s after 5:00 and I’m STILL in my pj’s. Guess I’d better get dressed since we’re going to go eat steak with Jes in celebration of her new position at her work. Uh-huh…we paid for her tuition so she can make twice what I’ll make after I receive my dinky little certificate paper that says a I can stick people and make them cry.

Have a good day.

No Comments

A Day’s Worth of Life

Things at the Kendall house hold are…interesting. We are daily walking down a path that has quite a few bends in it. Without really getting into anything specific, we are facing some challenging and thrilling days ahead (who isn’t these days;). We may be selling our house and moving into the Boulder area (almost all of Craig’s work is coming out of Boulder these days). OR…we may not be selling the house and just commute a lot. It’s really fascinating when there are so many things going on in your life that you really have absolutely no control over! When I let tomorrow go and just revel in the day at hand, stress just has no place to sit and fester. Stress doesn’t like the present. Rarely do we stress over things that are happening that moment. We usually stress over what could happen. I remember reading this phrase many years ago…”Worrying (stressing) is running from something that might not even be chasing you.” I get this immediate mental picture of me running through the woods in panic and fear certain that a bear is chasing me to eat me alive simply because bears, in general, live in the woods. Just picture with me for a moment…I’m running in fear for my life, terrified, unable to think clearly. Suddenly I see a hunter with a big ole gun and run up to him screaming “There might be a bear chasing me…there might be a bear chasing me!!!!!” What an idiot I would be!! Yet how many times have I mentally done exactly that. So…today…I’m going to throw stress under the bus and enjoy the day Father has for me. Since He is in control, all I have to do is walk.

1 Comment

Be back soon!

Just wanted to say that I’m swamped right now with house stuff and unpacking from our 10 day trip. I’m also readjusting to living at altitude. So hang in there with me….I’ll be back as soon as I can!

1 Comment

Interesting New Year….

So far, the New Year has had mixed reviews for us. Craig’s computer picked up a really bad virus (and trust me…he has LOADS of virus protection software on his computers). So he is now having to wipe everything out and rebuild from scratch. In our line of work….that’s NOT a good thing. Thankfully, he backs most everything up! Still….it’s been a very rough couple of days for him with at least one or more bad days to go.

However, Adam finally got accepted to CSU, after several months of struggling with the acceptance board over his in-state status. And he also found out that he has a really good chance of getting enough grant money for this next semester and possibly more.

So…while the date on our calendar has changed, our lives seem to be right on track. I truly believe that this new year will bring in a LOT of changes for the Kendall’s. Not sure exactly what they will be but I have a real sense of significant change coming. While, in the past, that would have scared me to death, I have learned through all the different struggles and victories in my life, that as long as God comes right along with those changes, I’ll be just fine. I’ve experienced everything from miraculous births to tragic suicide and a whole lot of stuff in between. In everything that I’ve ever counted as significant (whether in a good or bad way) the one constant has been people…never possessions, power or prestige. To quote the author of a great book I’m reading, “Life takes a bit of time and a whole lot of relationship” (William P. Young). I think that pretty much says it all.

So, my one resolution for 2009? Spend my time making new relationships and better the old ones. After all…when you die, it isn’t your house, car or bank account that attends your funeral. Spend your love like you do your money and you’ll find your funeral all booked up! ;)

No Comments

Merry Christmas!

Hello dear friends and family!

I sincerely hope you are having a wonderful Christmas Eve/Christmas Day depending on when you read this. For me, it’s Christmas Eve and I just finished making coconut chocolate balls for my family. In a few minutes I’ll start making a huge batch of mashed potatoes to take to Todd and Monica’s house for a Christmas Eve dinner and an evening of playing Phase 10. Both Jes and Adam will be there as well so it’ll be great having everyone together. (I am feeling very guilty about leaving Lily here..after all…she’s family too! But Craig insists she will be fine;) Of course, we’ll have the movie “A Christmas Story” playing on the tv the whole time!

Craig and I are more excited this year to give our kids their gifts than we’ve been in quite sometime. Both of us made gifts for each kid this year and like it so much, we think we will begin a new tradition. From now on, all gifts for Christmas will be handmade. Not only are we saving money, but we’re also helping keep so much waste down. The item I made for Adam came from GoodWill. I made a “case” of sorts for it from a refashion item also from Goodwill. Jes’ items came from yarn that I’ve had for a time and some yarn I found on clearance. I’ll post pictures tomorrow after the need for secrecy is gone! :)

Today has been an interesting day. Our Christmas tree is dying FAST! Good thing we only need it for one more day! I think all of us has had at least one unpleasant moment or two today and Lily REALLY needs a bath! However, it’s Christmas Eve and we are all healthy (especially Jes….we just found out on Monday that she DOES NOT HAVE CROHN’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has either Celiac Disease or she is gluten intolerant. We won’t know which one until her blood labs get back. However, either one is WAY better than Crohns. Her changed diet has already made her feel tons better!!) We have a house to live in (for now at least;) and a family that loves each other so very, very much. All four of us has had a challenging year since last Christmas but have come through it both wiser and kinder. While it has been difficult and trying, we have each learned to lean on God in ways we have not done so before. As parents, Craig and I are in positions where we cannot help our kids with their troubles as we have in the past. That’s a very difficult place to be. We’ve had to rely solely on God to take care of them. While that is extremely hard for a parent to do, I’ve learned that God works in my children’s lives just as much as mine.

So with all this in mind, rather than wishing you a merry, stress-free exsistance, I wish for you the deepness of life that God wants for you. I pray that you not only know Him as the innocent babe the season celebrates, but also the powerful, loving, wise and very approachable God and King that He is.

1 Comment